So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
