I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
