Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
