I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
