You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
