you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
