i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
