Can i not drive my cunt home
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
