There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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