Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
