True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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