I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
