When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
