im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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