that's what penises do
they tell lies.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
