he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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