Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
