On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
