watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
