i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
