You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
