I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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