She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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