he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
