i barfeds in our rink
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
