i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
