yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
