Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
