i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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