Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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