woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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