I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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