I could have mohawked her pubes.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
