i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
