apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
