margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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