I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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