theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
