no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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