my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
