Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
