You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
