You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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