I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
