I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you win again, gameday.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
