I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
