2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
