toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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