honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
