WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
