im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
