I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
