Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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