the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
