I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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